Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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