cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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