if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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