ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
