wakey wakey hands off snakey
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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