there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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