well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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