Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
