before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bring me that man meat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
