Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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