Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
