...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
