Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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