you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
