I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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