My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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