Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
