I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
