Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
