things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
