yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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