Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
