I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this will be a night to untag.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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