we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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