He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
