pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
