Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
