I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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