Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
