4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
