So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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