i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
