Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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