the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
