this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
