dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
