I wish my penis had an off switch
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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