How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
