am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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