Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
