One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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