Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my shit smells like andre
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
