I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
