If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
