Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
