Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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