so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
