By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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