I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
