I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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